my sister just sent me a link to this…. (the baby isnt hers :( )
(via thebluelane)
i cybered on omegle today
You: hi
Stranger: hey
You: wanna cyber
Stranger: Depends are you a girl? ;)
You: ya
Stranger: And okay then, you start?
You: i come into ur bedroom
You: and ur sleeping
You: and i crawl under your blanket
Stranger: I'm still asleep
You: u feel me pulling down ur pants
You: and u wake up and smile
Stranger: I kiss you gently, still sleepy
You: then i smile and open the scissors around your dick and snap them closed
You: cutting off your penis
Stranger: wait
You: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEATING ON ME
Stranger: Then what...?
You: I HATE YOU
Stranger: I didn't cheat
You: you bleed to death in your bed
Stranger: i didn't cheat on you. lets restart ok
You: nobody ever knows what happened
You: i flee to mexico with your Mercedes
You: the end
Stranger: I have a mercedes?
You: not anymore faggot
Your conversation partner has disconnected.[x] If you want to see him go to the fish store.
Oh God, this was on TV years ago and my family still talk about it! He’s a wee penguin who lives in Japan; he was rescued by a Japanese fisherman, and ended up going home to live with the family. They built him a little refrigerator room to live in, and he became the family pet. Then one day he went shopping with them, and got very excited about the fish shop (understandably!) and now he goes off on his own to pick up fish from the fish shop for the family, which he brings back in his little penguin backpack, having nommed his own fish at the fish shop. IT IS THE BEST THING EVER.
(via heyfunniest)
(via downeyer-iron)
(via distraction)
i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it
(via turtleslovehinnie)
(via slim-and-svelte)
